Ballet, Tutus and Spunk

You are blossoming into your own self determined person. It has been amazing watching you create your own path. Your father and I want to nurture your individuality as you have an awesome personality. You have decided to start ballet, you love wearing tutus and tights, you want to be a princess and you want to be in charge. You have a heart of gold, which we see daily through your hugs, kisses, gentle touches and way that interact with all those you encounter.
We had a lovely Thanksgiving where you took off your turkey hand dress and decided to wear your Cinderella dress to the table complete with earrings and high heals. It was our first Thanksgiving in our home and you had such fun with your aunt abby and grandpa. The house was peaceful and fun, which made it so very enjoyable.
We have been on baby watch, which has been hard on all of us as we don't know when baby will come and you are so excited to meet your little brother or sister. I know that it is hard that I can't lift you as much and I am quick to tears. You are going to be a wonderful big sister as you talk about all the things you will teach and share with the baby.
I know that we do not always make the best parenting choices, but we sure try and I want you to read this knowing that I love you for who you are. I love all your different emotions, creativity and determination. The challenges you bring into our family teach us all wonderful lessons and help me as a mom to look within myself and explore my past and present self. You are a true blessing. I can't wait to learn how to me a mom of 2. Thank you for making me a mom.

Pink Balloon

Watching you watch your balloon fly away brought tears to my eyes. You worked so hard to control your emotions. You had no idea which way to turn, so you came into my arms. The purest sight of tears streaming down your face as you watched you precious balloon float away. I had you watch it rise in the sky and we talked how an angle or fairy would get it. You just held on to me with the sincerest of hugs as you cried about your balloon, which brought tears streaming down my face. It took everything to not tell you that we would go get another one.  I believe in your ability to deal with pain and I also want to honor your choice not to leave the balloon in the house or make you tie it on your wrist. What would you have learned? What would have been gained. I also believe in myself that I prepared you enough for what might happen if your balloon floated away. We talked about the science as well as the emotional understanding that while the balloon is special it is just an object. It is hard to loose something that you care about, it is a really tough lesson, but life is hard. I can't take away your pain, but I can and want to be there to share in your pain and remind you that you are not alone. 

June you are ever so resilient and spirited. I want you to always feel as deeply as you did today and then let it go. You held onto pieces as you brought it up after you nap, but the emotion was out of it. You were processing what had happened and hoped to see a fairy flying in the sky with your balloon. I hope to allow myself to feel such disappointment as it is only with those big feelings do we really live. This always loops back to living in the moment, which I am working so hard to achieve. I realized this week that we only have 6-8wks of the 2 of us and I feel like I have already missed so much. Why can't I just relax and snuggle in bed? Why am I always thinking that I am not doing enough. I just want to hold you as much as possible before Posh arrives. I know that I have plenty of room to love you both and I look forward to creating an incredible family and you have already taught me so much. However, I am still scared and a bit sad about missing out on our time yet I know that there will be many more opportunities and there will also be many beautiful family moments. I need to value our snuggles, our stopping on walks, our staring up at the sky or just taking time to think as more valuable than anything I could check off of my to-do list. 

I feel so challenged and pleased by how we navigated today. There is always room for me to improve in how I talk with you or my tone, but overall it was a great day because we had struggles and we let things go. I feel like I heard you more today and responded to your needs. What a full day of kisses, activities, tears, hugs, snuggles and responding to both of our needs...we are working towards BALANCE. 

San Jose

My little love,

It has been many months since I wrote on our blog. We moved to San Jose...we left San Diego and started our great adventure in a new city. So much has changed: we lived in a hotel for 2wks, moved into a great new home, you got a big-girl bed, you started a new school, daddy started a cleanse and has lost a lot of weight, and I submitted my paperwork for the Internship number, created a new mom's support group and started to network. We really hit the ground running! You have been an amazing trouper through all of the changes.
Tonight was special as tonight daddy and I put you to bed. We both snuggled in your bed to read stories and sing songs. I love watching you with him and I love getting to hold you at the same time. We have about 8wks left till your little brother or sister arrives and I want to cherish this time when it it is just the 3 of us. We are working hard to help you feel safe with daddy putting you to sleep and helping you instead of just me. He has started to take you to ice class, which is so neat and even got to drop you off at school. You are the most precious thing to us, which is why you are only in school 3 days per week and we will figure out an interesting work plan for me you are only little once and I want to be present. I am working hard to be the mom that I know I am capable of being. It takes a lot of work and patience. I learn so much from you everyday and you push me in new ways. You are so outgoing that I have to be prepared to be extroverted when we go on walks as there are no strangers in your little blue eyes. You have a million questions and I don't always have the answer which leads you to even more questions. June you are my light and my greatest struggle. I don't think I understood how hard yet amazing being a parent is.
You are resilient, insightful, fun, loving, kind, caring, funny and beautiful both inside and out. I am so lucky to have such a wonderful 2yr and I can't wait to spend the rest of my life with you in it. I love you forever. I like you for always. Forever and Always my baby you will be.
*And we now have at least 1 tea party every day*

You wanted your mani and pedi to match your ladybug costume! This was all you kiddo! You are so creative!

After our first nature walk in SJ...I love how much you love me. I can't believe you tell me you love me and give me kisses and hugs everyday. I am such a lucky mama!

You figured out how to "do 2" fingers!

Even with all of the craziness with the move you keep thinking, growing and trying to adapt to all the changes. You slept in our bed last night as nights just seem rough for you. Then on our way to kids space you squeal...Mom I did it..I did 2! It was so amazing to see you so proud of yourself. I am so lucky to have such an amazing and resilient daughter. 

Concert in the Park

My dancing queen. What a fun night of Trader Joe's delights, picnic blanket and some quality time with my little miss...it was a wonderful night. You decided that you needed to wear a tutu so that you could dance, you asked so nicely for stickers as we left trader joes and you asked mommy to go away while you danced up front. I know that I had you miss a birthday party for this, but soon it will be all about birthdays and your friends. I only get you for a bit longer and I want to make the most of it. I will always be here with open arms when you run to me, ask me for help or just want to sit quietly without saying a word. I can't believe that it is summer and that our time in San Diego is coming to an end. I am so happy to have us all as a family together in just a few weeks, but what an amazing gift to have spent such time 1 on 1 with my JB june bug. Can't wait for a few more months just the 3 of us. I hope that I can stay present and treasure the moments of you 'samabing', cooking in your kitchen, going on errands, having great ideas, or even helping with the laundry. I am so lucky to have had such a beautiful, courageous, out going, loving and smart daughter. 

This weekend was full of fun activities and just naked time. swim school, yoga, concert in the park, sunday morning show (where we sat and listened to Hilary Clinton talk about her plans for the future and all of her accomplishments. It was if you knew that she was saying something important as you just sat next to me holding my hand and absorbing. I am excited to see the powerful woman that you become.), zoo, market, dinner, laundry sorting with the best helper and then naked time. You are sweet beyond words, observant beyond comparison and  we count down our final 4 days till daddy comes home then only 1 more week till we travel to San Jose to start again. So excited for more beautiful adventures hand in hand. I hope that I make you proud, but most importantly i hope that you feel unconditionally loved. 

Last days of school

Pop- Irv walked you to school most days! He loved walking you up the stairs and into your classroom. The teachers thought that it was so very cute how he doted over you. The outfit you are wearing in this picture is one that you wore your first week of school. It was big on you then, but just to cute. Now it fits and you proudly walk with lunch box in hand. This was a great school for you and I am sad to say good-bye. As you said about the Sea Slug...good-byes are hard, but baby we will get through these changes as home is always where your heart and family are.
From the first days of you crying because that is what you thought you were supposed to do because of the other children crying to now you talk about all of your friends and great them while we have snack on the wall in the afternoon. From nursing and diapers to milk from a cup to snack that you open yourself that wall and this year has been full of change. It has been an incredible journey.

the past few days

JB you have been such a delight. You talk, walk and ask for what you want. You are so darn sweet with everyone (especially babies) and I keep falling more in love with you. You are being a mini-me more and more as you take on the things I like. You grow up so fast yet in the moment i can sometimes snap out of unnecessary frustration. In those moments I am focusing on me and not on your needs. You do more every day than anyone could ask or should ask. You are a child and deserve to be treated as one.  You deserve to run around naked, have ice cream before dinner, be cared for and always know that your needs will be met. You are a precious gift and I am so lucky to have you in my life.