Watching you watch your balloon fly away brought tears to my eyes. You worked so hard to control your emotions. You had no idea which way to turn, so you came into my arms. The purest sight of tears streaming down your face as you watched you precious balloon float away. I had you watch it rise in the sky and we talked how an angle or fairy would get it. You just held on to me with the sincerest of hugs as you cried about your balloon, which brought tears streaming down my face. It took everything to not tell you that we would go get another one. I believe in your ability to deal with pain and I also want to honor your choice not to leave the balloon in the house or make you tie it on your wrist. What would you have learned? What would have been gained. I also believe in myself that I prepared you enough for what might happen if your balloon floated away. We talked about the science as well as the emotional understanding that while the balloon is special it is just an object. It is hard to loose something that you care about, it is a really tough lesson, but life is hard. I can't take away your pain, but I can and want to be there to share in your pain and remind you that you are not alone.
June you are ever so resilient and spirited. I want you to always feel as deeply as you did today and then let it go. You held onto pieces as you brought it up after you nap, but the emotion was out of it. You were processing what had happened and hoped to see a fairy flying in the sky with your balloon. I hope to allow myself to feel such disappointment as it is only with those big feelings do we really live. This always loops back to living in the moment, which I am working so hard to achieve. I realized this week that we only have 6-8wks of the 2 of us and I feel like I have already missed so much. Why can't I just relax and snuggle in bed? Why am I always thinking that I am not doing enough. I just want to hold you as much as possible before Posh arrives. I know that I have plenty of room to love you both and I look forward to creating an incredible family and you have already taught me so much. However, I am still scared and a bit sad about missing out on our time yet I know that there will be many more opportunities and there will also be many beautiful family moments. I need to value our snuggles, our stopping on walks, our staring up at the sky or just taking time to think as more valuable than anything I could check off of my to-do list.
I feel so challenged and pleased by how we navigated today. There is always room for me to improve in how I talk with you or my tone, but overall it was a great day because we had struggles and we let things go. I feel like I heard you more today and responded to your needs. What a full day of kisses, activities, tears, hugs, snuggles and responding to both of our needs...we are working towards BALANCE.
