bubbles, balloons, sunshine and laughter

June,
You have been amazing putting up with me since August. I have not been the mother, wife, student or friend that I would like to be, but baby we are almost done. I can't wait to walk across the stage with you in my arms in 1 month. I can't wait to turn in my last assignment on May 7 and just be a working mom. I promise to live more in the moment because it is only these moments, which make up our life and i want to look back with no regrets. We have been reading Good Night Moon again and I all keep thinking about to is when you moved down your room around 6-8m and i would nurse you to sleep reading that book. It would be dark, just the two of us as you drifted off to sleep snuggling and suckling. We have grown so much together and it makes me sad that a lot of of you precious first 2yrs on this beautiful earth have been with a mom who is not present and has a temper. I will work on taking deep breaths and accepting what life has to give to me. I want to be happy for myself and for you. I can't begin to tell you how much of a gift you are and I don't want a day to go by without you knowing how much you are loved, cared for and how special you are. This world is yours...i just want to help provide the foundation for you to thrive.

down by the bay...where it all started. 

my sunshine

Morning off tea party...set up by June! It was your party! We had a wonderful Tuesday morning. 

Off for Passover BREAK...tutu and mommy's heals...what could be better

My mini-me

You are just so spicy. Telling us what to do and how to do things. It is just too much. You amazed me when you played pretend that you went on an airplane to San Jose and brought home 2 books. You had your first Seder at school, which was such fun. I am so glad that I was able to join in at your school. Before the Seder you asked "what am i going to wear" I responded with, "i don't know June" quickly you said, "I KNOW my flower tutu!" I don't know where you got your style from. You now read to me on the potty, tell me all the rules. It is such fun and a lot of work all at the same time. My smart, amazing beautiful girl I am so lucky to have you in my life.  

Daddy's Favorite Show

Zoo with Alex

your tush

You have started to go potty all by yourself. You instruct me to stay in you room and you waddle back in with panties in hand. I am so proud of you. You taught me a wonderful lesson today. I was crying this morning because I was stressed and you let me hug you, you told me that I would be alright, but you didn't let me feelings consume you. it was wonderful to watch you navigate and to watch myself try to regain my composure as it is not your job to take care of me, but in some cases we are a team. I really needed to you listen to me and you did. We had a nice morning of starbucks, reading, bike ride and banking. Then tonight I was cross. you started to whine and did not differentiate my feelings and keep myself in check. I took away the chapstick and you got very upset. I then rushed through the routine as my over all intention is to get you to bed. Even though I know that it is my job to connect, empathize and support you. Once you calmed down and we talked you told me that we don't take things and i had taken the chapstick. You were so correct- i behaved poorly, which is so sad. I am not feeling like I am able to do any of my roles, wife, mother, pug mother, student, clinician, self care well in any arena, so i mess up all of them because I am stressed and too focused on the tasks which me 'must' complete. I just keep telling myself that it will be different when school is over. If i want that to be the case then I need to take ownership and build in the things that I need to thrive.
At the park we saw people practicing martial arts. you got off the bench and started doing it- I had never seen you do that before. It made me realize that I need that back in my life and how much I look forward to doing activities with you. This is not the life that I would have wanted for you, I hope that I have not messed you up too much. You are a champ my little JB june bug. Even when I am stressed, angry and not very nice please always know that I love you more than you will EVER know. I look forward to making more time to learn from you and all the extraordinary gifts you have to share.
*at a RE meeting at USD and you introduced yourself to the entire group, such a strong powerful woman you are!