your tush

You have started to go potty all by yourself. You instruct me to stay in you room and you waddle back in with panties in hand. I am so proud of you. You taught me a wonderful lesson today. I was crying this morning because I was stressed and you let me hug you, you told me that I would be alright, but you didn't let me feelings consume you. it was wonderful to watch you navigate and to watch myself try to regain my composure as it is not your job to take care of me, but in some cases we are a team. I really needed to you listen to me and you did. We had a nice morning of starbucks, reading, bike ride and banking. Then tonight I was cross. you started to whine and did not differentiate my feelings and keep myself in check. I took away the chapstick and you got very upset. I then rushed through the routine as my over all intention is to get you to bed. Even though I know that it is my job to connect, empathize and support you. Once you calmed down and we talked you told me that we don't take things and i had taken the chapstick. You were so correct- i behaved poorly, which is so sad. I am not feeling like I am able to do any of my roles, wife, mother, pug mother, student, clinician, self care well in any arena, so i mess up all of them because I am stressed and too focused on the tasks which me 'must' complete. I just keep telling myself that it will be different when school is over. If i want that to be the case then I need to take ownership and build in the things that I need to thrive.
At the park we saw people practicing martial arts. you got off the bench and started doing it- I had never seen you do that before. It made me realize that I need that back in my life and how much I look forward to doing activities with you. This is not the life that I would have wanted for you, I hope that I have not messed you up too much. You are a champ my little JB june bug. Even when I am stressed, angry and not very nice please always know that I love you more than you will EVER know. I look forward to making more time to learn from you and all the extraordinary gifts you have to share.
*at a RE meeting at USD and you introduced yourself to the entire group, such a strong powerful woman you are!