lovely yom kippur

It was our first Thursday away from each other and you ended up waking up at 5 wanted your nur-mil. I think that you just wanted to be with me. It was so hard getting up so early and then you wanted what I had packed for your lunch for breakfast...needless to say it turned into an interesting morning as I needed to get you to your Bubby's house by 7:30. I then picked you up early from school and you decided that you only needed a 30 min nap...oh man was I frustrated. I hate the way that I act towards you when I get that angry- I need to walk away and try again when I have calmed down as I turned into a person that I don't want to be. We then left for the beach and re-connected with some old friends from the original yoga mom's group, which was just so nice. You had a wonderful time playing in the waves and in the sand. We both calmed down and had a beautiful afternoon. We were even able to have Shabbat and then go to a bit of services b/f you ended up asking for ice-cream. It was my first Yom Kippur going out to get ice-cream.
Saturday was another day away from you, which is sad for me. We found out that Asha went into labor. It made me really realize how much work I still need to do around your birth. I don't want you to be haunted by the idea of birth or post-partum issues. I want to work through this before you get much older, so that we can talk about it on a factual level where we can talk about emotions without getting overly emotional. I want this for all of us: you, me, your father and any future sibling as it is just such a sad place to be. I tried to remind myself all afternoon that I had you, we were able nurse, I have started to build this amazingly beautiful bond with you and I am so blessed to have you even though it hurts to think how you came into the world. It is like I feel that I failed you from the start yet I know that this is not true- it was not perfect, but I will never be perfect and all that I can hope is that you learn from my imperfections. I am so excited for a whole day just to play with you. NO stress to be any where at any time, no chores, NOTHING that HAS to get done...our day of fun and love.