so tired

what a wonderful weekend of backing, pet store, walks, and friends, but I am just so tired. You decided to not sleep much at all, which took a big tole on me. I love you so much and I want to be the best mom that I can, but it is hard on me when I am so sleepy- my temper is short. We hung our hummingbird feeder, we made cupcakes together and snuggled on the couch while I also tried to figure out about the pugs and their fleas. It still felt like I could not be present with you even with a pile of dishes in the sink, which took me 20min to take care of tonight. I love that you are growing up with each hand that pushes me away or every time you tell me know, but I cherish the hugs, when you run over for a kiss or reach for me. Tonight you wanted to be with Bubby so much that you pushed me away and said good bye in such away that I was brought to tears- my goodness will it hurt when you choose your friends over me and then a bf or gf and then go on many adventures...it is what is supposed to happen and I will be there waiting to listen about it all when you reach out. All I can hope for is that we form a  bond strong enough that will keep us connected and you reaching when ever you need a hand, a hug, a kiss or a cheer leader. You are such a sweet and lovely little lady- I just had to let you know even as my eyelids are closing. As I have stated and continue to work- I MUST calm down my temper and increase my patience as you are only a toddler and it is up to me to regulate the emotions. I hope that I don't mess you up too much and that you will learn and grow from my short comings. Sweetest dreams to my little JB.